Struggles

Thursday, February 05, 2015

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I'm feeling a bit annoyed at myself this week.
I have a couple of projects that I have been meaning to blog about for quite some time, but with one thing or another, I only got around to getting photos taken last weekend. So I had high hopes to be able to blog about the makes this week.
But in between taking photos and editing them I had a bit of an unfortunately experience. We were round at a friend of my husbands house, whom hadn't seen me since I became pregnant. He congratulated me on the news, but also made a comment about my weight gain and made some remark about how you don't need to eat for two. Now, I can't remember exactly how he said it, and he is actually a decent guy, so I know he wasn't trying to be rude or to hurt my feelings. But, what can I say, these pregnancy hormones are obviously in full flow, and the comment got to me.
And then I got around to editing my photos for the blog and all I could see was the extra weight I have put on recently and I couldn't bring myself to post them! The thing is, I have put on weight over the last couple of years, not just during the last 5 months, and having a blog just makes me so aware of that - I have a tangible timeline really, if you look at my archives.
However, there are two sides to every story. I was walking across my office the other day (after looking at myself in the bathroom mirror and telling myself I need to cut back) and one of my colleagues chimed in to say how lovely my growing bump was and how 'neat' I was looking. A couple more colleagues agreed and said that I was really looking lovely and that pregnancy suited me. Wow, talk about perfect timing! It was a big boost during a rather low moment and I was so grateful to have such lovely people around me.
So as I said, I'm just annoyed that I let that one comment get to me. I have put on some weight, but I AM pregnant, and it can be something that can happen. To be honest I am really loving watching my belly grow and being able to feel the little baby move every now and again and I'm actually very proud of my baby bump.
Any of you who have been through pregnancy - did you struggle with the weight gain? Did you have any similar experiences?

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14 comments

  1. He may be a decent guy but that remark was so wrong on so many levels. I get the impression you didn't say something back to him , which is a shame because he really needs to know what a sexist douche he is. I mean I'm just flabbergasted that he crossed the line that much with a "friend." You talk about objectifying women, "excuse me sexual being, but you are in danger of not being attractive to this male Lord here and I feel compelled to tell you even though you are not my woman." You have every right in the world to get a big cast iron frying pan and hit him upside the head. No jury in the world would convict you. If you think he really is a decent guy at heart and not the complete jerk I'm thinking he is, you really should have a little discussion with him about trying to move out of the cave in his thinking about women. How dare he comment on any woman's weight?! I just can't believe it! (I truly wish I had been there!)
    Your co-workers got it right! This is a time when you are at your most beautiful! You're about to have a baby! The coolest thing on this planet! I love being a Mom soooo much. What a joyful time! Yes, you enjoy your baby bump! I, unfortunately didn't get much of one because my daughter was born very prematurely. But luckily, she has turned out fine. i missed having a baby bump! I honestly felt deprived. Yep, you should be sashaying around, enjoying every minute of your pregnancy. I think that's why pregnant women are seen as so beautiful. We are so happy that our joy just radiates all around us! A beautiful time, a beautiful halo, a beautiful looking woman. Well, if you're lucky enough not to be sick all the time! They still have their beautiful halo but they might not be feeling it! Haha!
    I'm sorry, I know I'm writing a ridiculously long comment, but one more thought. We all go through stages in our life when we feel more or less attractive. I have struggled all my life with weight issues. I just lost quite a bit because I am sick. But I'm supposed to think it was all worth it because I am now closer to a society norm and therefore more "attractive" in society's eyes? I think NOT! My illness is terrible! I will have pain all of my life! My point is, we are who we are at that particular moment. We all have stories to tell. If there is a jerky person around us that has not matured past middle school, that is not our fault. He or she is the jerk, I'm not. What I'm talking about is how you feel when you see yourself on your own blog. What I'm following your blog for is what you are doing, not how you look. Hopefully I won't hurt your feelings by saying I couldn't care less about how you look. Why would I? That has absolutely nothing to do with how great you are or how great your blog is. I'm not that jerky "decent" guy. I think most of us aren't. You have the right to feel however you want to, but I hope I can encourage you to just be yourself on your blog and not worry about it. If someone is so immature that the looks of the blogger bothers them, well, there are thousands of blogs, they are welcome to move on. What they are not welcome to do is to try to use their puny brain to try to make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. Then they are jerks and we are totally free to tell them so and encourage them to take their negativity elsewhere.
    You are you. Full of good and bad like the rest of us. Right now you're full of a baby! The best, most beautiful thing in the world! Enjoy! You are beautiful! You are a Mommy! I'm sure all of your blog followers are very happy for you, as they should be :)

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    1. Gosh, thank you so much for your comment!!
      You are right, I didn't really say anything to that guy at the time (I'm afraid I tend to avoid confrontations! Something I wish I was better at for sure), but I should have mentioned that my husband did pipe up straight away and told that guy that no I wasn't 'eating for two' and did put him in his place a bit.
      But you are so right, far too much emphasis is put on weight in this world, rather than health! I am so sorry to hear about your troubles with your weight due to your illness, and I do hope you will be able to get better. Well done for being such a strong person, I admire you so much for that and it's something I certainly strive for!
      Thanks again for your lovely, heart-felt comment, you really did brighten my mood :) xxx

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    2. Oh thank you. Your reply made me feel so much better. I was afraid I had gone and put my foot right in it. I get entirely too impassioned sometimes. I'm glad you're husband was there! And I'm so glad if I helped brighten your mood! That's what I was hoping for! :) Yay!

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  2. The only answer to a comment like that is: I'm pregnant, what's your excuse? It's rude and unnecessary. He's not a doctor. It's none of his business. He's got no idea of what he's talking about! Put him in his place!! Hurray for your colleagues.

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    1. You are so right! I should have mentioned that my husband did pipe up and defend my corner for me so I was very glad to have him there and see him have my back!

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  3. All of the body changes that go along with pregnancy are hard. I remember some friend of a friend making a comment about not being one of those women that uses pregnancy as an excuse to eat and get fat when I was newly pregnant and hadn't yet announced it. I wanted to smack her. Even more so now that I've been through an entire pregnancy. I wish society wasn't so hung up on weight in general, and especially so with pregnant women. Enjoy this time!! It's such a fleeting moment in the scheme of things. That baby will be here before you know it! :)

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    1. Aw thanks Liza Jane, and you are right...I can't believe that over 4 months have passed already - eek!!!

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  4. What a thoughtless thing for someone to say! I'm not pregnant and not skinny, and my theory is: yes, maybe I'd like to weight a different amount, but I'd regret missing out on life if I just stopped posting pics or being proud of myself because I could be skinner! Gotta live and enjoy who you are!

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    1. You are so right Gillian, thanks for the words of encouragement!

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  5. There's something about pregnancy that makes people feel its ok to comment, as if all of a sudden its not rude to comment on a person's weight. When I was pregnant with my daughter, my husband's family were obsessed with the size of my bump. I'd go see the midwife and be told I was measuring small or just right, and that my weight gain was exactly where it should, then I would see my in-laws who would sit discussing how "ginormous" I was, calling me fat and other such ridiculous comments. If that happened to me again I think I would be tempted to respond to comments about my weight with "well I'm pregnant, what's your excuse?" because if my weight is up for discussion then so should theirs be, right? ;)

    The pregnancy hormones don't help matters! But I did find being pregnant and then a new mum that everyone suddenly had lots of opinions about what I was doing. To some extent you have to learn to ignore the unhelpful stuff and have confidence in yourself. Your body is changing because it is doing something amazing and I'm sure all the important people (like your hubby) think you look fabulous.

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    1. Ha ha, that's so true Helen - why are pregnant woman's bellies considered free reign to everyone?!!!
      Thanks for the lovely encouraging comment, I really appreciated it :)

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  6. Oh goodness, that's hard. When I was pregnant one of my co-workers would tell me everyday how much bigger I looked each day. At first it was funny, then as the days passed and she would still comment, it really hurt. Or the checkout guy at the local drugstore who told me at 8 months that I must be overdue. Nope. For some reason people feel like commenting on someone's pregnancy body is fair game. The only thing that I consider appropriate to say is a variation of You look beautiful! Next time you look in the mirror, remember how amazing your body is, growing another human. That's amazing! And you DO look beautiful!

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    1. Gosh I can just imagine how annoying that must have started to become! I bet you were ready to punch her by the end of it! lol.
      Thanks for the lovely comment Jill, you really brightened my mood :)

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